Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
