A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
