oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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