I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
