you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
