So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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