So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
