"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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