Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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