she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
