i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He shit in the fireplace
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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