woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
