this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
