As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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