It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
