he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
