I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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