How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
