I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Panties = found
Randomize
