All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
zippers are such a cool invention
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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