You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
