1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
