i just had sex bonerless
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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