She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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