I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
