Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
