You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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