Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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