There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
