$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Randomize
