I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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