Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
