i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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