i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
