K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
