Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
