There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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