??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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