Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
