Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
