I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you traded sex for a burrito?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
