did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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