dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
