why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize