Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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