Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
