My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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