I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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