Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
