She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She needs sedatives and a leash
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
