You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
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I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize