The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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