I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
