i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
