I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
