Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
