I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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