happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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