party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
