**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
pray to the hookup gods
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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