My friends, they love my intelligence
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
