Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
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