it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
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You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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