Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
