three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
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I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
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Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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