When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
