sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
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