I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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